GUARD YOURSELVES AND YOUR FAMILIES

GUARD YOURSELVES AND YOUR FAMILIES

Allah, the Almighty says:

"O you who believe, guard yourselves and your families from the Fire whose fuels are people and stones and is guarded by stern angles who do not disobey Allah's commands and do whatever they are ordered to do." Holy Qur'an (66:6)

The family is a sacred entity; a main unit in building the society; a center of happiness and tranquility and a depository of love, compassion and mercy. If this family is reformed and guided towards righteousness; surely its building will be arranged aright and its relations will be strengthened, as a result of this, the whole society will be reformed and guided towards righteousness and in which man will feel peaceful and secure.

The family looks like a custody in which the child is grown up and from it, the child will learn and obtain his habits and character. In such circumstances, a child not only builds his personality, behaviour and thoughts, but also, specifies his psychological and educational attitudes.

The family, based on psychological, behaviourial and lawful foundations, makes a strong, organized and human entity which will surely be a good foundation to build a happy, unshakable and strong society.

Indeed, from the Islamic point of view, life is established on the basis of precision, organization and responsibility. Every thing which loses such elements is changed to disorder, vanity and loss. Therefore, Islam organizes human society and considers a family as its essential unit and cell. As the cell is the main unit in the body of every animal and plant; the contents of an atom is, also, the main source in the world of nature and materialism. Thus, Islam is keen and covetous to build a family and takes care in educating its individuals and elements.

Islam strives hard towards building a strong personality in a man; also, a happy society in which he knows his Lord and strengthens his relations with Him; specifies his position in this world in order to know how to live and behave in his society with the people of his own sex in a way based on brotherhood, love and righteousness. In order to achieve these aims and goals, Allah, the Almighty, specifies such responsibility and gives the mission of education and reform to prophets and messengers through sending them as teachers, educators and reformers for the whole of mankind.

Therefore, great responsibilities are cast upon parents who are responsible for bringing up the children and guarding them against corruption, deviation and error.

The human being, after being able to distinguish between what is useful and harmful; what is good and what is evil, is responsible for bringing up himself, strengthening his behaviour, reforming his personality and searching for his happiness.

Thus, the Islamic state, which is a legal authority responsible for establishing an Islamic society and building man and civilization on the basis of Islam, is also responsible for bringing up the individuals, and reforming and guiding them through its capabilities, and validities such as school education, cultural propagation units, and all forms of reforms which play an essential role in the behaviour of the individuals and their personalities.

Thus, the significance of education and human reform and the protection of man against error, deviation and distress becomes more distinct in order to guard the aims and good purpose upon which man is created and which is to worship Allah and the goodness of man.

Indeed deviation and error (going astray) ruins the aims of life, human worth (value) and the purpose of his existence. Therefore, this mission i.e. (the mission of education, reform, protection against Hell-Fire and punishment) is considered a base among the foundations of life and a necessity among the necessities of guarding upon the essential purpose of man's creation.

Man is not created for punishment and distress but for happiness and blessing; he/she will not achieve that happiness except through knowing Allah, the Almighty and worshipping Him and following His straight path.

That is why Allah, the Exalted, charges the prophets, and apostles with the mission of education and reformation; charges the parents with education and reformation; charges the human society with education and reformation and enjoins the duty of bidding for what is good and forbidding what is bad. The main aim is only to take man's hands towards happiness and blessing, and keep him safe against distress and punishment. So, the call of the Holy Qur'an is so harsh and severe:

Verily, it is a call done out of mercy for this man; being covetous for his goodness and happiness and a movement to stir his consciousness and recognize his nature and tear the concealment of heedlessness and engrossment...so that man could look at himself, his children, his family, who are protected with his love and care and who devotes his effort and endeavours for their happiness and enjoyment... should also look to all those while being surrounded with huge punishment and who are devoured with the fire of wretchedness and who are elevated with impressions of humiliation and humbleness. Therefore, he fears from this horrible scene and gathers all his efforts and means in order to put out this fire which broke out at his home in which he and all his family were burnt and all his love and expectations are set on fire.

Surely, in this verse the Holy Qur'an describes the next life of such a man, who is heedless of educating both himself and his family, as a calamity and tragedy and, also, describes the form of dreadful future which awaits him. Indeed, this verse has its own role and affect on the believing souls and conscious intellects who comprehend such a Divine address and accept its responsibility. The late great scholar Sayyid Muhammad Hussein al-Tabataba'i (may Allah be pleased with him) in his Mizan Commentary says:

"In al-Kafi, with its sources narrated by Abd-A'la Maula Aal Sam by Abu Abdullah (i.e. Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.)) it says that when the following verse was revealed: "O you who believe, guard yourselves and your families from the Fire..." A believing man who sat and started weeping said: I became too weak against myself and asked my family for that. Then, the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "Sufficient unto you is Allah to bid them (your family) to what you bid yourself and forbid them what you forbid yourself."

Therefore, the Holy Qur'an, through presenting such samples and forms of dialogues and recommendations, refers clearly to such responsibility.

We witness this solicitude vividly in the Divine Message addressed to the Honourable Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) in view of the fact that he is a spouse and a father and, also, a responsible manager of the Muslims:

"O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of believers to let down upon them their over-garments. This is more proper, so that they may be known, and not be given trouble. And Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful." Holy Qur'an (33: 59)

In the above mentioned verse, the Almighty Allah calls His Messenger (s.a.w.) through urging him to take care of his family and educate his women and daughters and, also, the women of the Muslims and their daughters.

Indeed, through this verse, the Most High addresses His Prophet (s.a.w.) and urges him to perform this duty in order to protect woman and safeguard her dignity with her personality.

In fact, the interpreters of the Holy Qur'an mention that among the causes of the revelation of this verse is that the society of pre-Islamic ignorance did not respect women and were exposed by some of their men and hypocrites by using stirring words and immoral excitations against them in the streets, roads and pedestrian centers. That is why Allah revealed this verse and urged the prophet to be responsible for this task.

It is a call aiming to guard woman and cover her body lest she should be exposed to degradation and humiliation or become a commodity for enjoyment and pleasure for men. It is a clear evidence; obvious obligation and specification of the responsibility of the parents and spouses in order to guard the purity of their women and daughters from falling and also to take the responsibility of raising them upon purity, legal hijab and moral care.

Verily, the woman who keeps her hijab and covers her body, expresses the chastity of herself, the purity of her heart and the honouring of her personality. Such woman distinguishes herself against the woman who exposes herself for others as a commodity and introduces her body for the sinful lusts and eyes and thus becomes a motive to stimulate others and a trap to cause people and herself to fall into shame and collapse.

Indeed, the Holy Qur'an illustrates for us the true state in which the Pre-Islamic society of ignorance lived and how the Islamic call aimed at eradicating its roots and destroying its ideological, psychological and behaviourial foundations and bases represented by dissoluteness and shamelessness and in which woman was exploited in those societies, but, when Islam came it called for chastity and hijab and the protection of the sacredness of the personality of a Muslim woman.

Surely, the human societies of today live in the same conditions of the pre-Islamic society of ignorance and suffers the same psychological and behavioural diseases from which the past periods of ignorance lived.

It is obligatory for the faithful believers to guard their women and daughters and distinguish themselves from the current of the ignorant past life. They should order their women and daughters to wear hijab and keep their purity and bring them up on the strong morals of Islam. They are responsible for their protection and will be charged with that on the day of Resurrection.

In another scene, the Holy Qur'an illustrates for us the sincerity of an affectionate, a wise, well-bred father in order to show the parents how to imitate those personalities who are covetous to bring up their children, and how to direct their love towards correcting the behaviour of their children and how to prepare for them the environment of happiness and bliss.

There are some fathers who love their sons, but do not know how to express their love towards them. For instance, they overlook their mistakes or commit sins or they provide them with financial support, but, their children misuse them. Such parents do their job, but, without directing or guiding their children. Such behaviour may cause their children to fall and their love towards them may be changed to resentment and dislike and a tool for their destruction and total ruin.

The Holy Qur'an gives for us an example of a wise, learned, well-bred father so that we may follow them. It refers to the advice of Loqman (a.s.) towards his son and how the parent should behave to his children:

"And when Luqman said to his son, while he admonished him: O my son, ascribe no partner to Allah. Surely ascribing partners (to Him) is a grievous iniquity." Holy Qur'an (31: 13)

Another example is of the Prophet Abraham (a.s.) to his sons:

"And the same did Abraham enjoin on his sons, and (so did) Jacob: O my sons, surely Allah has chosen for you (this) religion, so die not unless you are Muslims (those who submit themselves to Allah.)" Holy Qur'an (2: 132)

In another place, it gives us another example, but, which is full of keen dialogue and severe argument among the fathers who are covetous towards the guiding their children and insisting on their advice and saving them against falling and deviation.

The Almighty Allah describes another keen scene full of the sufferings of the parents towards their children:

"And he who says to his parents: Fie on you! Do you threaten me that I shall be brought forth, when generations have passed away before me? And they both call for Allah's aid: Woe to you! Believe; surely the promise of Allah is true. But he says: This is nothing but stories of the ancients."

Holy Qur'an (46: 17)

The Holy Qur'an, describes, for us, the state of the parents and their psychological conditions and their eagerness and sorrow and how they appeal to their Lord for the help to save and guide their children.

The parents mentioned in the above-mentioned verse represent the father who is affectionate towards his children and is covetous for guiding them aright..indeed the above-mentioned event teaches its followers (especially the parents) those concepts and meanings by calling them to take care of their children even to the extent of asking for their help in order to save them from Fire (Hell), misery, loss and destruction.

As the Holy Qur'an adheres to calling for the safetly of both the family and the children against punishment, distress and deviation by showing us the evil destinations and consequences of those children who choose the way of deviation and crime which can reflect upon the parents as a result of their evil children. It informs us that the nonexistence of straying children is better than their existence. Look at this righteous man when he solves the mysteries of an ambiguous situation of the Prophet Moses (a.s.); after slaying the boy, he began to ask about the secret behind this obscure slaying. He says:

"And as for the boy, his parents were believers and We feared lest he should involve them in wrongdoing and disbelief. So, We intended that their Lord might give them in his place one better in purity and nearer to mercy." Holy Qur'an (18: 80-81)

Surely such description makes a sign for the parents that non-existence of such deviated children is better than their existence, and whoever neglects the bringing up of his children, i.e., he leaves them for loss and deviation, surely, he will earn the results of this heedlessness and whenever he is surrounded with their evils and problems, and sees the results of their crimes, surely at that time, he wishes that they (the children) had not been born and did not bear their evil reputation and shameful results.

Thus, the Holy Qur'an continues to establish a family atmosphere through fixing essential and educational responsibility inside the family represented by a father who should practise his role sincerely and seriously while performing his duty and task towards his children and wives and also feeling the responsibility towards himself.

Surely, the circumstances of a family and its environment, the way of living in it and the relations of its members between each other reflect on the psychological, theological and behaviourial status of its members. For example, the child adopts and learns his habits, customs, ideas, and the way of living from his parents, and his family members through the way of influence and mixing. Whenever the family atmosphere is safe and healthy, the personality of the children and their psychological, theological and behaviourial constitutions will be safe.

The parents being acquainted with Islamic educational concepts have great importance on their life and which makes them practise their task carefully and positively towards their children.

The parents who are ignorant of wise educational procedure surely recognize and understand the impact of the relation between the father and the mother; or their relation with their children, good and bad on the behavioral and psychological condition of their children.

For example, the family in which the parents live in the state of disagreement, difference and estrangement or the relation between the parents that ends with divorce and separation, surely such relation leaves a bad impact on their children and may cause not only worry and tension for them, but, also vagrancy and loss. Mostly this unstable relation can not only be reflected upon their behaviour and their relation with the society, but, also can be changed into discontent and revenge, dislike, crime, problems and even affects on the psychological safety of the person and on his relation with himself and his society.

Therefore, we find in the following tradition, how the kind Messenger and the great teacher Muhammad (s.a.w.) emphasizes on the importance of the existence of such good family relation:

"The best of you (Muslims) is the best with his family and I am the best of you with my

family”

Another reference of the Prophetic tradition (hadith) concerns the relation of the family characteristics with the spiritual and ritual state of man and his relation with Allah, the Almighty. Let us read a declaration narrated by the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) while burying one of his companions by the name of Sa'd bin (son of) Ma'ad whose grave pressed on him (i.e. a kind of punishment in the Barzakh (the period which starts after death and continues till Resurrection Day)). Then, he (s.a.w.) said: "Yes, verily he was bad with his family when alive.”

Surely the family atmosphere and the father's treatment - (being good or bad) - reflects on the children's behaviour, their relation with themselves, with their parents, and with others. A Prophetic Hadith says:

"Allah curses the father who actuates his sons upon disobedience."

"Respect your children and improve their manners” It is also narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said:

"Love your children, and be kind to them, when you promise them something fulfil it for them, because they see you not but that you are the one sustaining them."

Narrated Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.): "Moses bin (son of) Imran said: O Lord, which deeds are the best with you? He answered: The love of children; I created them on my monotheism; if I cause them to die, I will admit them to enter My Paradise under My mercy."

It is also narrated that the Prophet (s.a.w.) said:

"Whoever improve his son's manner it is better for him than giving alms daily."

In another reference, our Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) describes the relation between the father and his children as lasting and forever and has a good and righteous impact. The father will remain alive and effective in life after his death if he leaves a righteous son who does goodness and serves the society around him.

It is narrated that Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said:

"Among Allah's inheritance from His faithful believer is to have a righteous son who asks forgiveness for him (his father) after his death,” Thus, we see how the Islamic Message gives more importance and care in the field of manners and moral and behaviourial education particularly the bringing up of children and their care.

Narrated Abdullah bin (son of) Umar: The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care. The Imam (i.e. ruler) of the people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; a man is the guardian of his family (household) and is responsible for them; a woman is the guardian of her husband's house and of his children and is responsible for them; and a servant is the guardian of his master's properties (belongings) and is responsible for them." He said that he heard these from the Messenger of Allah. I thought that he (s.a.w.) also said: "A man is the guardian of his father's property and is responsible for it. So, all of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care."

The above-mentioned Prophetic tradition emphasizes the foundation of social, financial and political responsibility of the parents, and their task in bringing up the family together with children.

If the family, together with the children, are a trust in one's hands and is responsible for them, therefore, one should return this deposit, again, safely to its rightful place.

Surely, teaching the children and educating them are among the duties of the parents, and science and good manners are the best inheritance and wealth left for the children by the parents.

The parents should make a plan and program to educate their family, reform their children in order to save them from distress, torment, deviation and crime.

Main Recommendations and Advices

Indeed, in this respect, there are various recommendations and diverse footsteps of reformation and construction. Here are the following important advices and recommendations; we wish Allah to make us prosperous in following them in our life and be guided by the instructions of the Holy Qur'an and be enlightened by the light of the pure Prophetic sunnah and follow the path of the Honourable Messenger (s.a.w.) and His infallible family (Ahlul-Bait).

*One should choose, for himself, a righteous wife who is well-known by her good manner and family integrity and who follows the straight path of Islam.

*One should choose, for herself, a righteous husband who is well-known by his good manner and family integrity and who follows the straight path of Islam. Surely the foundation of a family will not be safe and its atmosphere will not be happy except under the shade of good morals and faith.

*The parents, both, should strive towards creating a happy family atmosphere which helps the children to form straight human personality and which enables them to live in an Islamic society as useful elements and committed Islamic personalities.

*It is necessary for the parents to make an educational program to follow it in their lives and with out leaving their children to live spontaneously and carelessly. Verily, the child considers his parents as his guide and at such age, the child obtains and learns from them as he learns from his teacher and the environment in which he lives; gradually he will go build his personality until its final form.

Children - as it is clear - pass through two periods in the family atmosphere and in which they are in need of care and providence. These periods are:

The Period of Childhood.

The Period of Adulthood.

It is clear that the period of adulthood is more dangerous in human life and which needs more care, protection and guidance by the parents.

It is useful, here, to mention some of these essential recommendations in each two periods in order to teach the children and guide them.

*The first, worthier of main recommendations and advices, is that the parents should be covetous to have a good relation among themselves, because disagreement and difference and the existence of unsafe manners between the parents in the home reflects on the behaviour of the children. The father who does not respect the mother and vice verse; or having continuous quarrels; or living in the state of content and discontent or hatred and dislike; all these are reflected negatively on the children and will affect on their morals and their psychological conditions.

*The child who feels no love, compassion and care from his parents may grow up as an unnormal child, having an aggressive manner and tendency and, sometimes, it may cause him to turn towards vagrancy and dislike or be affected by a psychological complex.

*The mistreatment by an adult and respecting him not may lead the child towards mistreatment of his parents or others and cause him to have an inferiority complex within himself.

Oppressing on him in treatment and having financial poverty may lead the child towards lying, stealing and deceit.

*Surely differentiation in their dealings with the children and making them not feel love and care, mostly leads towards hatred among themselves or towards alienation against the parents or weaken their relation.

*Verily, in the family atmosphere, introversion and isolation from relatives, neighbours and society will leave their negative impacts in the life of children. On the opposite, if they find their parents having good relations with each other and with their relatives, neighbours and friends by paying visits, exchanging presents, being guests to each other, supplying their needs, surely the children will learn these morals and good customs and be affected by them.

*It is obligatory for the parents to have an educational and cultural program for their children from their childhood, accordingly which they should teach their children Qur'anic verses and Islamic expressions such as The Two Witnesses and certain sayings of the Messenger (s.a.w.); acquaint them with the life of the Prophet (s.a.w.), and the biography of his and his household (Ahlul-Bait), in the form of stories and brief subjects.

*Teaching the children the offering of five-daily prayers, the recitation of the Holy Qur'an, and to accompany them to the mosques, to introduce them with Islamic occasions, and to acquaint them with their meanings, such as, al-Qadir Night, the Prophetic Mission, battle of Badr, pilgrimage...etc.

*Teaching them how to glorify and love Allah, such as saying `bismillah' (in the name of Allah) before starting to eat or to drink, and to say `alhamdullilah' (praise be to Allah) after finishing them, and to ask Allah's help at the time of difficulty, to give thanks for Him when one's needs are carried out...etc.

*Teaching and instructing the child the concept of apologizing and repentance if one makes a mistake or does an evil. It is requested from him to say: `I apologize or `excuse me' or `I ask Allah's forgiveness'...etc.' with directing and guiding him aright and sometimes punishing him if the situation requests such punishment, but, without exaggeration in punishment.

*Instructing the children in cleanliness and taking care of his outward appearance.

*Instructing them in the manners of greetings, conversations and gatherings and respecting others.

* Keeping them away from evil friends and guiding them to choose the righteous and good friends from whom they can utilize.

*Instructing them how to make use of their free time and how to participate in public works containing their connections like sports, good handwriting, painting, and carpentry...etc.

*Causing them to love knowledge and science and to widen their horizon of thought in the future and to direct them, righteously, in this field.

*Supervising their behaviour by giving them advice when some unsafe impacts appeared in them.

*Transferring social, useful experiments for them through family discourses, telling them wise sayings, and historical stories and preventing them from falling into mistakes and dangers.

*Acquainting them with the concept of lawful (halal) and unlawful (haram) things and exhorting them to adhere to them.

*Spending generously on the family and household and providing their financial needs. It is the best kind of charity (alms-giving, sadaqa) and in some narrations it is considered as charity.

Whoever wants to do charity, his/her family is the nearest for such charity and beneficence as narrated by honourable traditions.

Man's taking care of his wife, his children, and his family members is a legal responsibility. Through performing it he can protect himself and his family against evils and achieves for them guidance and reformation.

"And say, work; so Allah will see your work and (so will) His Messenger and the believers. And you will be brought back to the Knower of the unseen and the seen, then He will inform you of what you did." Holy Qur'an (9:105)